When I was young...
Recently, I've been thinking, or remembering various moments in my childhood that really had an impact on the development (or destruction) of the person we have before us today. So bear with me here, as I explore these crucial moments of my so-called development. After all, no one is forcing you to read this.
The one that dawned upon me today, occurred when I was either 6 or 7, after a disagreement of sorts had transpired between me and my teacher at school, and I sought my revenge by sticking my tongue out at her. Of course, my father is immediately notified of this (I won't deny that I was a little bit of a rambunctious child. I'd like to think that I had character...) and a couple days later (My father has a tendency to wait a couple days, or weeks, or even months between sin and punishment. Which doesn't really work with a child as young as 6, or even 8. Much like a puppy that has soiled the carpet earlier, their simple minds are too preoccupied a mere 2 hours, later with the latest scent stumbled upon or what glorious ensemble could be put together for their beloved Barbie to wear to the Pony Ball.) So yes, a couple days later, I am accosted on my horrible sin, by my father armed with a dictionary. I remember him pointing out the word "respect" and read the definition out loud to me and then basically told me what I did was disrespectful and that I shouldn't have done it and to respect my teacher in the future. I must admit, that I left that encounter rather confused, unenlightened and ashamed. I've always yearned and sought love, admiration, approval, and just plain attention from my father. Even to this day, I find myself crippled with a bout of inferiority complex, despite all I know. I was the ultimate daddy pleaser, and I'm glad he wasn't sick enough to take advantage of that. My daddy was my world, he could have been God himself for all I knew. Everything I did was to make him proud and make him love me more. There was nothing that made me happier than to receive the "daddy thumbs-up" in something I'd pursue or accomplish. He was the single most important person in my life. Needless to say, I am in the process of getting over that, but for most of my life, my father was a shining figure of perfection in my gullible, naive eyes.
Anyways, I feel that that encounter taught my impressionable 6 year old mind that my own judgment was crap (It was as good as any 6 year old's.) and that elders should remain unquestioned, unobjected (Not sure if that's a word.) and always right. All things I've come to realize now, are completely false. My gut instinct hasn't let me down thus far, on the rare occasions I listen to it, and yes, most "elders" do have more life experience than say, a 6 year old, but we're all learning here and we should always question and inquire and discover.
Looking back now, and by no means am I trying to declare myself an expert on parenting. I'm only 18 and still have much to learn before I even fathom the idea of being a parent, and even then, I'll still have so much more to learn! Like I said, we're all learning and living and growing here, and sometimes we need to be questioned on our intentions and actions. This is just my 2 cents as to how that specific incident could have been handled. I think, instead of condemning my actions from the beginning, it would have been wiser to question why I felt the need to show my teacher such a lack of respect (It was disrespectful, but I forgot what she did that made my 6 year old mind decide that sticking my tongue out at her was a suitable conclusion to our altercation.), of course not wording it in that way, because that still implies that what I did was wrong. Of course, after establishing with the child her need to stick her tongue out at the teacher, you can then declare the status on tongue sticking outing, and then discuss better ways of expressing your displeasure with others.
Oh well, live and learn.
The one that dawned upon me today, occurred when I was either 6 or 7, after a disagreement of sorts had transpired between me and my teacher at school, and I sought my revenge by sticking my tongue out at her. Of course, my father is immediately notified of this (I won't deny that I was a little bit of a rambunctious child. I'd like to think that I had character...) and a couple days later (My father has a tendency to wait a couple days, or weeks, or even months between sin and punishment. Which doesn't really work with a child as young as 6, or even 8. Much like a puppy that has soiled the carpet earlier, their simple minds are too preoccupied a mere 2 hours, later with the latest scent stumbled upon or what glorious ensemble could be put together for their beloved Barbie to wear to the Pony Ball.) So yes, a couple days later, I am accosted on my horrible sin, by my father armed with a dictionary. I remember him pointing out the word "respect" and read the definition out loud to me and then basically told me what I did was disrespectful and that I shouldn't have done it and to respect my teacher in the future. I must admit, that I left that encounter rather confused, unenlightened and ashamed. I've always yearned and sought love, admiration, approval, and just plain attention from my father. Even to this day, I find myself crippled with a bout of inferiority complex, despite all I know. I was the ultimate daddy pleaser, and I'm glad he wasn't sick enough to take advantage of that. My daddy was my world, he could have been God himself for all I knew. Everything I did was to make him proud and make him love me more. There was nothing that made me happier than to receive the "daddy thumbs-up" in something I'd pursue or accomplish. He was the single most important person in my life. Needless to say, I am in the process of getting over that, but for most of my life, my father was a shining figure of perfection in my gullible, naive eyes.
Anyways, I feel that that encounter taught my impressionable 6 year old mind that my own judgment was crap (It was as good as any 6 year old's.) and that elders should remain unquestioned, unobjected (Not sure if that's a word.) and always right. All things I've come to realize now, are completely false. My gut instinct hasn't let me down thus far, on the rare occasions I listen to it, and yes, most "elders" do have more life experience than say, a 6 year old, but we're all learning here and we should always question and inquire and discover.
Looking back now, and by no means am I trying to declare myself an expert on parenting. I'm only 18 and still have much to learn before I even fathom the idea of being a parent, and even then, I'll still have so much more to learn! Like I said, we're all learning and living and growing here, and sometimes we need to be questioned on our intentions and actions. This is just my 2 cents as to how that specific incident could have been handled. I think, instead of condemning my actions from the beginning, it would have been wiser to question why I felt the need to show my teacher such a lack of respect (It was disrespectful, but I forgot what she did that made my 6 year old mind decide that sticking my tongue out at her was a suitable conclusion to our altercation.), of course not wording it in that way, because that still implies that what I did was wrong. Of course, after establishing with the child her need to stick her tongue out at the teacher, you can then declare the status on tongue sticking outing, and then discuss better ways of expressing your displeasure with others.
Oh well, live and learn.
posted by Rhiannon at 3:29 PM
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